The Pseudo Movie Reviewer

Take Three: The Crimes That Bind (2020)

Review by Heather Arneson

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Image courtesy of Cine Argentino and Netflix Presents

In the wake of rioting, looting and a pandemic-stricken world, there is the other not-so-obvious problem of what happens if you get pregnant (and guys I know you like to say “we’re pregnant,” too, for some reason). However, sadly in the midst of all of this chaos, saying “we’re pregnant,” might come at a raging cost, especially if you are employed by two narcissist nitwits, like the rich-bitch older couple pictured in this flick.

The kind of pandemonium displayed in this film is quite visceral for all parties involved, even those invested in raising their money. The topic of abortions and infanticide is like sugar to a kid for those who love to ridicule people for wearing masks or judge people in third world countries.

Although the older couple didn’t really see themselves as culpable in any way, more as victims of the climate of their bank accounts, they just couldn’t see how their son could be the Anti-Christ or his best friend, and how they might have contributed to any of the chaos. Instead, they lolled about like they were involved in a caste system set for world domination, talking down to their help as if it was a hobby.

Who was the victim in this? It’s like splitting baby hairs, and don’t even get mad at me for making sick jokes. Hey, you got this far, right? You know the world is sicker than I am then, and jokes at its expense are highly-warranted. Anywho, a sweet woman with low self-esteem should not be abused, just like a narcissistic team sharing one brain shouldn’t be commended. And this film does show how both can happen and do too easily. Since this film is based on true events, I hate to…well, I gotta’ be honest.

This brings me to the seamless transition of discussing time propelling (everyone already time travels). If I invented it, I would weed out the ones undeserving, the ones who talk down to people if he or she feels comfortable in not getting caught. They are the dumb criminals of humanity and I WOULD NEVER allow them to go back and forth as if it was a mall they love to shop at any day or time. This film helped me count my blessings and by that I mean, not having to do service work anymore. Also, being pregnant wouldn’t be fun, even for the proud pregnant dads out there!

Have a great weekend IF YOU’RE A GOOD PERSON (no judgments, especially if you don’t happen to love monkeys, writing AND mathematics nor ripping people off); I hope you don’t get looted anywhere, anytime, as that would suck. I know how it feels, trust me. If you are in the Illuminati, then you probably know me already as someone you’ve stolen from. Hurts to be right sometimes, just like it is to find you’ve stolen from a baby.

This film stars Celia Roth and is directed by Sebastian Schindel.

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